The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
