then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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