I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
