Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
