so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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