Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
