John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
as a side note pls kill me
My feet surprised me
Randomize
