airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
