i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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