This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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