I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
