so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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