What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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