I CAN MOONWALK!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
