I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
