do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
