On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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