is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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