he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
