the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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