here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
