I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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