That's when you crack a 10am beer
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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