if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
