i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
