this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My balls are so social today.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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