I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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