Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
