oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
