A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
