Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
