my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
