I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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