im drinking this country out of the recession.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
