can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
