this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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