I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
