Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
