I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
