I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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