so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
