just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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