Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
