I'm gonna have a badass scar
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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