Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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