i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
