how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
