I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
