I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
