you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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