i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
