the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
