Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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